Messy Grace for a Messy Life

This pic is from last night at Secret Keeper Live Pajama Party! 

When she was only 5 years old, I meet this beautiful little blonde doing cartwheels at her brother’s little league football practice. Sure, she was adorable, but admittedly, I was more interested in her Dad, the coach! He was a recently divorced single Dad and I was a single Mom. We hit it off immediately. Our relationship was not “ideal.” After all, God never plans divorce. He never intends for m

arriages to fail. In fact, God hates divorce.

But....(and remember, with God there is always a ‘but’!) God will never waste a hurt in the lives of those who love Him. Despite our sin and mistakes, God has blessed us! He took our failures and made them examples of his amazing power and ability to restore a life! So, even though in a perfect world, I shouldn’t have ever met Kaylynne, and even though no one should ever have a step-parent, God can take ugly situations, and make them beautiful. It’s what He is best at.

As you probably know, me and that single Dad married -- and today, my step-daughter and I have a great relationship. I am beyond grateful that God has entrusted me with the care of her.

Last night, I was blessed with the opportunity to have the most important conversation with her that she will ever have. We talked for 45 minutes or more about Jesus. We talked about who He is, what He has done for us, and how we can respond to Him. She asked questions, I answered, and back and forth until she said, “I think this is something I should do.”

So, last night, on highway 64-E in Louisville, Kentucky at about 9:20PM, Kaylynne and I prayed together and she accepted Christ into her life as her Lord and Savior! Sure, she is only 10 years old, but I don’t take child confessions lightly. I was only 7 years old when I accepted Christ and, well, it stuck! :-)

After we prayed, I leaned over and put my arm around her – and suddenly a great weight hit me! It was the weight of responsibility. The reality that I am the chief female Christian influence in her life hit me...and I was scared.

“How am I ever going to live up, Lord? I’m such a mess!”

The Lord quickly replied, “...but my Grace is even messier, and I’ve got you covered in it.”  

Giving What They Don't Deserve

The other day, God prompted me to give my bracelet away to a child who complimented me on it. I didn't do it. I justified my decision by telling myself how spoiled that child is and how they probably have triple the amount of bracelets I have and how I just bought this bracelet and how it means more to me than it would to them because they have so many already.

Even as I justified my decision I could hear God telling me, "It has nothing to do with the other person, or what they deserve -- and you know it; it has everything to do with you being a slave to that bracelet."

Sometimes, probably most of the time, when God prompts us to give, it has nothing to do with the other person, (God will provide for that person with or without our giving) but it is an opportunity for us strengthen our spirit by denying our flesh. 

You see, I don't think God is necessarily "mad" at me for not giving away the bracelet. I am the one who missed out, not God. I missed an opportunity to be free; free from selfishness and greed. But I let it slip away -- and now the bracelet remains on my arm, serving more as a handcuff than a stylish accessory. 

   

I should have given that bracelet away the moment the child complimented me on it, regardless of how much the child "deserved" it, or how spoiled they are, or how many bracelets they already own. 

 

God doesn't give according to us according to what we deserve, and we shouldn't give that way either.

Is the Lord prompting *you* to give something away?

I will give this bracelet away the next chance I get, and in doing so, I will become a little more free. :-) Thank you, Lord, for another chance.

Breathing the Name of God

I’m so prideful.

I’m so angry.

I’m so desperate.

I mock my husband.

I yell at my children.

I can’t even take five minutes out of my self-centered day to call my grandfather who lives alone – and lonely.

I spend my money unwisely and speak even less wisely.

Even as I write these words, I should be cleaning, or playing with my son. On the other hand, I probably should have written more lately, but I’ve been too lazy and managed my time too poorly to fit it in. 

But, I love the Lord. I love Him deeply, and sincerely, and totally.

I love Him, and I yearn for Him to be proud of me, but how---

How could He ever be?

I’m gross. I’m pathetic. I can’t even stand myself, so how could a most perfect and Holy God possibly stand even the mere sight of me?

I can’t fathom it.

It’s unfathomable.

I drop to my knees.

“Tell me who I am to you, Lord. Tell me…again.”

I know all the right words, the scriptures, and the songs, but what do I know of Holy?

“That’s just it, Morgan. You don’t comprehend Holy. You think you are making me big and you small by belittling yourself, but you are doing the exact opposite. You are underestimating ME, you are calling ME a liar, and you believe that your weaknesses are more than I can overcome." the Lord speaks to my spirit, "And, you know, it really is true, my grace is enough. More than enough.”

This revelation only makes me feel worse. Apparently, I can’t even demean myself properly –geez. My own thoughts irritate and embarrass me, and the thought that my thoughts embarrass me, embarrasses me even more. It’s maddening. 

All the while, Satan loves this; I’m sure of it.

I wish I could just shut up. I just need to try harder. I…I…I…

Ugh, that word! That letter!

I.

I hate it. I’m sick of it.

I don’t remember who said this to me, but when I was maybe five-years-old, someone told me that Satan was thrown out of heaven for saying the word, “I” too much. For years, as a little kid, I tried to avoid speaking the word whenever possible because I literally thought we weren’t supposed to say the word, “I.” Ha!

Of course, I understand now that this isn’t literally the case, but is there something to it? When we look to ourselves, to I, our world becomes so small, and thus, our shortcomings appear larger, more daunting, more hopeless.

I inhale as the weight of guilt pushes down on my chest; I exhale as my burdens press all the air back out. 

As I struggle to breathe beneath the heaviness, I’m reminded of something I recently heard singer Jason Gray say in an interview. He explained that the letters YHWH, which is usually written in English as Yahweh, sound just like breathing when properly pronounced in the original Hebrew. 

Yah (inhale) Weh (exhale). Remarkable thought, huh?

Especially given that for centuries people believed that God’s name dare not be spoken allowed because it is so Holy and we are so unworthy. Yet, all along, every human, with every breath ever taken, was speaking the name of God – over and over and over. God, in his mightiness, made our every breath dependent on His name; yet, at the same time, lowered himself to such intimacy with us, as to place His name in our every breath. Wow.

Tears fall from my eyes, making me breathe harder, faster, and deeper.

Yah-weh, yah-weh, yah-weh. Inhale-Exhale. Inhale-Exhale.

Even in my crying, I can’t help but breathe the name of God. In fact, I only live by saying the name of God, over and over and over. The second I stop breathing, I die. The second His name leaves our lips, we die.

Even the atheist is living breath to breath; Yahweh to Yahweh.

I feel like the rug was just pulled out from underneath me, but this time I don’t try to catch myself from falling. I free-fall into grace. What choice do I have? What choice do any of us have?

From a baby’s first cry to an old man’s last breathe we are living Yahweh to Yahweh, grace to grace, mercy to mercy.

David Crowder Band puts my current feelings so beautifully into song when they sing these lyrics:

“He is jealous for me. Love’s like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.”

What a beautiful lyric. Our afflictions are eclipsed by glory.

Once again, worship becomes the salve for my wounds. The song goes on to say, “I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves me.” How true.

He loved us so much that he even does our praying for us. 

Inhale…exhale.  

Every breathe, whether intentional or not, we call out His name and He is intercessing on our behalf.

In The Message, Romans 8:28 is translated like this, “He is praying in us and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs.”

As I set my mind on Him, and I breathe his name in and out, my shortcomings and failures that, merely an hour ago, appeared so vast and so representative of who I really am, have now faded away -- eclipsed by His glory.

And for this moment, I know who I am, and it is not anything I said in the first nine sentences of this article. Rather, I am His beloved -- and it’s all grace.

Inhale, exhale, Yahweh, Yahweh…

Jason Gray wrote a short song about how we breathe the name of God and I think it is just incredible. You can listen to it here: 

Home-school Mother Beatitudes

Blessed are you when you're at the end of your rope and don't think you can do this one moment longer. Once you've realized you can't control anything, God has a chance to takeover everything.

Blessed are you when you've given up your comfort, your tidy house, privacy in your own bathroom, and a glamorous career. Without those false identities and comforts, you can now fully embrace the Lord.

Blessed are you when you realize your kids may never speak three languages by age ten like Susan's kids can, may never be the star player, that you may never complete all those lesson plans by May and your house may never be Pinterst-worthy -- and that's OK. This is the moment you find yourself only wanting exactly what you already have.

Blessed are you when you desperately hope that your hours of devotion and bible study and crying out to God will pay off. You will not go unsatisfied.

Blessed are you when you don't even mention to your husband the dirty socks he left in the living room floor (again) or lose your patience with the child who struggled for two hours to learn fractions with tears in his eyes; at this moment you will also experience the gentleness of the Lord towards you.

Blessed are you when, even in this mess of a world, you set your heart on thankfulness and gratitude. You will begin to see God in even the dirty dishes, the piles of laundry, and the boys roughhousing in the hallway.

Blessed are you when you've calmly said, "Honey, be kind to your brother, please," for the fiftieth time today. You know that you are reflecting your Heavenly Father.

Blessed are you when your family members demean your decision to leave you career and home-school your children, or when other parents and school officials turn their noses up at your lifestyle. This only drives you closer to the Lord; and when the Lord is all you have, you discover that he is all you need!

Waiting to See the Masterpiece

Last night on "America's Got Talent" I watched this awesome performance. (Skip to minute 1:15) 

Then, this morning I decided to go on a sunrise run. It was 6AM sharp and the sun was just beginning to rise over my neighborhood. 

  I ran, but found myself captivated by the could patterns. As the sun rose higher the clouds started to appear like brush strokes across the sky. 

Brush, swoosh, swipe....

I couldn't take my eyes off the creation -- His creation. I was running right through the middle of a masterpiece...

But I couldn't see the big picture, only seemingly random strokes here and there...

Some moments the painting looked dark and gloomy...

Other times bright and radiant...

Out of breath from running, but still praying aloud, I asked, "Oh, Lord, what are you painting? Where do I fit in? Why can't I see the whole picture?"

I was reminded of the painters on TV last night. I couldn't see what was going on in their painting either. It looked disconnected, messy, meaningless, and right before the reveal, it went black. 

It wasn't until I saw the other side, that I had full knowledge and clarity. 

God tells us the same about His masterpiece. Today we can see brush strokes, corners, and partial images. Sometimes it looks messy, disconnected, and eerily dark; but soon we will see the other side.

 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12

From Independence to Bondage

Brilliant lights explode in the night’s sky; lighting up my children’s laughing faces. The air is warm and the grass is cool.

It’s the night before Independence Day.

The families around me look celebratory and happy, but this year, I’m not feeling it.

Please understand that I am very grateful for the freedoms I currently enjoy as an American. I can worship on Sunday mornings – aboveground. I can homeschool my children; I can pray in most public places; and I can lay down my head at night without much fear of being arrested for my Christian faith.  Many Christians around the world are not afforded these luxuries.

Yet, with all these things to be grateful for, why aren’t I in the Fourth-of-July mood?

As much as I love Independence Day and all that it represents, it is also a harsh reminder of how far we have strayed from this country’s original intent. Most Americans today, including most Christians, have replaced their God-centered worldview with a man-centered worldview.  

Our founders were not sinless, but this modern humanistic mindset is one of the starkest differences between America then and America now – and its influence is destroying the very freedoms that our founders fought so hard to obtain.

Rosalie Slater describes it well, “For the first one hundred and fifty years or so, we maintained our Christian character as a nation. Then began our period of ‘falling away’ when we worshipped the ‘effect’ of our great success and forgot the ‘cause.’ This vacuum was readily filled with man-centered philosophies which replaced the internal battles of conscience with social, economic, and political struggles of society.”

“Thus,” she goes on, “we veered from a period when even our governmental proclamations were filled with the language of salvation and the recognition that Christ alone could change the hearts of men, to a pre-occupation with educational, social, economic, and eventually political arrangements, which claimed to insure progress and improvement for society, and hence for man.”

I could write countless pages repeating quotes of our founding fathers’ recognition that Jesus Christ is Lord and the ultimate authority of our lives, and we ought to keep Him in that proper place if we hope to succeed.

But today, God is not only being pushed out of our lives’ center, but our schools, capitols, courthouses, and banking system.

Our founders understood that God created earth and everything in it, that He is the master and absolute authority of our lives, and that from the overflow of what He has given to us, we should give to others. But today, even the mention of God as creator is banned from public education, morality is now relative, and the government, through involuntary compulsion, has attempted to replace the tithing church.

The responsibility to teach our children, feed the poor, and help the sick has been taken from the parent, the church, and the individual; and is now the expected role of the government. This switch combined with our humanistic mentality has bred attitudes of ungratefulness and entitlement. 

At a conference earlier this year, I listened to Dave Meyer speak these eye-opening words, “The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations is 200 years. They all take this path: spiritual Faith to great courage, great courage to liberty, liberty to abundance, abundance to selfishness, selfishness to complacency, complacency to apathy, apathy to dependency, and dependency back to bondage.”

I would argue that America is currently between dependency and bondage.

But there is always hope.

Today over fifty percent of people are registered to vote, but less than five percent participate in precinct level politics, which is where the nominees are selected. Consequently, Christians are left in November to choose the “lesser of two evils.”

If you are a Christian, you have a moral obligation to research the candidates and choose leaders whom are Godly -- and whose track records can prove it. Without Christian political leaders, even our Constitution is worthless. As John Adams said, “The Constitution was made for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for the government of any other.”

 In other words, no matter how perfect the system, it will always fail, unless the hearts of the people are turned towards Christ.

The only hope for our nation is not a more perfect system, a new social program, or any other external remedy, but rather a renewed mindset – a mindset that once again puts God in his proper place – and a group of bold believers who are willing to act. After all, throughout history God has always used a holy remnant, not a majority, to change the course of events.

This Independence Day is bittersweet.

I smile because I live in a country that has seen the amazing, providential hand of God move, and a nation whose leaders once recognized that true liberation comes first from Jesus Christ. Yet, I mourn because most have forgotten this, and it is leading us away from Independence and back to bondage. 

God Loves Sandusky

Sexually molesting ten innocent children: if there is one crime for which I can hardly fathom forgiveness, it is most certainly this one.

Jerry Sandusky was sentenced to life in prison yesterday -- and justly so.  He deserved to be punished severely, and if he is murdered in prison, he most likely deserves that as well.

However, in the midst of my celebration of “justice being served,” a still small voice rose up inside of me.

“I love him.”

I knew it was the Lord.

He came again, but louder this time, “I love him.”

I was speechless. Yeah, sure, I know that God loves everyone, but never before had it shaken me to the core like this. Here was man whom abused ten innocent children, and probably more, and God is telling me he loves him. I just couldn’t swallow it.

As I watched one Facebook status after another pop up in celebration of Sandusky’s demise, the Lord’s words played on repeat, “I love him. I love him...”

I don’t understand.

And that’s just it, as humans we have such a difficult time fully understanding the height and depth  and width of God’s unconditional love because it is, well, so un-human.

God loves Sandusky as much as He loves you, your children, and your grandchildren; and even as much as he loves those hurting, aching, and wounded little boys that Sandusky abused.

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair!

“Grace is not fair,” the Holy Spirit interjected unwaveringly.  

I guess that’s the mystery of grace; you just can’t get God to quit loving you.

It’s crazy love, way beyond my comfort zone – yet, for it, I’m forever grateful. If grace can be extended to man like Sandusky, then there is hope for us all, and that is good news.

And as for the victims, I mourn for them, but I don’t put anything past my God. I know that out of this horrendous tragedy, He will bring about healing, peace, transformation, and a beautiful display of forgiveness and the ability to overcome all things through Christ.